no one cares.
no one cares.
no one cares.
no one cares.
no one cares.
no one cares.
no one cares.
i hate myself.
let me die.
the sadness i've been having shows how much you friends mean to me.
but you guys don't get it right?
hell no.

hi everyone!
you won't believe this!
i'm gonna have an english name!
mum's gonna register it on ma birthday!
so.... she saw this name on america's next top model which is jayla.
she think it suits me.
and i kinda like it.hahs.
so i told my friends and
genghui's like... it's a cool name but it doesn't suit your sirname.
then he started to give some names for me to choose but none are of my liking. cos i like to be called by a unique name which hardly anyone has. even if they have, i want it to be spelled in a unique way...
then sam's like... i like jayla in the show! i think it suits you!
of course right sam... cos you like me too! = ))))
then yuren's like... what?! you're gonna get an english name?
what? like i'm lying? of course i'm gonna get one man!
then lou's like... go for it man! it suits you totally! your mum's so cool to choose that name.
now that's a steady answer! hahas.
then i'm like confused right now? cos there are so many different comments?
was talking with fish on the phone about it.
then he's like calling me to pick a name which i'll feel comfortable being called.
then he created one which is so damn funny!
YAYya!
you should listen to him say it.
it's damn funny.
i laughed so much that i teared and my dad thought i was crying instead of laughing which made me laugh even harder.
BAHAHAS.
so back to the topic.
if i really were to have it as my english name, my name would be like...
JAYLA CHIN SHIYING.
wtf?

so.
my fishies died.
and now i have hamsters!
they're darling's hamster's babies!
and they're super cute k!

birthday's coming pretty soon.
i've made my wish and i hope it'll come true.
i don't want no gifts anymore.
i don't want no money anymore.
i just wish for gifts from the heart.
things in the shops can always be bought and earned.
but you only get to wish upon the brightest star on two occasions.
your birthday and christmas.
i don't wanna waste it.
i just wish we would be back together as a group.
let bygones be bygones.
i don't expect anyone to forget what happened in the past.
but i hope we'll all forgive and be forgiven.
i've been missing my butt so damn much.
can't even call her...
and i really want my bestfriends back...
but god.... if that's the way how you planned things to be, i shall take the path which you have opened for me and walk nearer towards you till the day the angels take me to heaven to be with you again....
i just really wish that things would be better again...
my sun hasn't been rising to make me smile for quite some time already.
i'm confused.
what is friendship?
i'm all numbed...

i don't understand the world sometimes.
it's so weird that people like to say sorry after they did something wrong.
do they really think it works all the time?
it's ok to some people.
they accept all apologies no matter what.
but not to me.
stepped my foot it's ok.
not-on-purpose, no worries.
but would you say 'it's ok...' when someone broke your heart and say sorry?
make you freaking angry or sad or disappointed and then say sorry?
'accidentally' stole your girlfriend/boyfriend?
'accidentally' killed your mother?
would you?
if you say 'oh... it's fine what. no big.'
what about this...
i 'accidentally' kicked you in the balls.
or if i'm a guy my hands 'accidentally' sweeped across your breasts.
oh, sorry.
would you accept it?
HELL NO right?
if you still say it's alright please go jump down now.
what's the point of saying fcuking sorrys when they are of no use?
i don't get it. somebody please tell me why please.
i'll listen. i will.
i just want answers.
cos i'm freaking sad and disappointed and everything now...



freaking HELL!!!

my fishies died!
i don't know how...
but i'm so sad!
it's my tenth month anniversary gift from darling.
and they just died like that.
they are good fishes.
they loved each other so dearly.
they played catch with each other.
they kiss each other.
and they always eat the food i give.
the only thing they disobey is to shit just right after i clean their tank.
they are beautiful.
orange with a lil turquoise on the fin is called fishie ying,
and turquoise with a lil orange on the fin is called fishie kiat.
i miss them so much..
i so regret for not taking enough care for them.
may you both rest in peace my dear fishies.
for now, you're with god.
i love you both very much.
may the souls of you both be with each other forever...

IN MEMORIES OF FISHIE YING AND FISHIE KIAT.
REST IN PEACE.
BOTH HAVE BEEN GOOD FISHIES FROM
261005-020106
LOVE, FROM MARVIN AND SHIYING ALWAYS...