has anyone ever told you that i miss my darling so much?!
ok like i'm the only one who knows this.
so forget about it.

school's tough.
life's tough.
but i have to hang on...
i don't really wanna talk about what's happening..
and i don't know why i'm logged in...
prolly cos...
he's not by my side right now...
damn... i have to stop being so dependant...
anyways... i miss my bestfriends and buddy and gang so soooo much....
but who hears me anyway?
everybody has their own things to do...
i'm just not right...
i need a shoulder...
a listening ear...
a hug.

i haven't been myself.
not yet.
and i don't know when...
maybe it's time i forget how ugly things look like.
maybe i should stop all these hopes and be contented with what i already have.
came for a cert, not fuglyiends.
thank god for you and them.
i asked for too much.
i'm sorry.
maybe they were right.
it's not worth.

i've had enough of these fcuk-faced people dirtying my blog
they are a disgrace to society.
sometimes it's not what you do or say that makes people dislike you.
it's what they chose to listen and belief. -josh

[the rest of the post has been deleted]

i'm so busted.
i'm gonna fail mid-years real badly.
like soooooo badly that when mama knows,
she's gonna start nagging like nobody's business.
and hell... i'm gonna go deaf i tell you.
damn!
this sucks...

it's not like i don't wanna study.
but my mind seems to get distracted all the time.
home is noisy.
there's seriously no proper place to study.
and when i'm outside, i get distracted by my problems.
like wtf?!
i don't know what's the problem with me.
if you were to ask me whether i'm still bothered by that,
i'd say yes.
but why??
i swear i'm not finding any reason not to study la.
I WANNA GET PROMOTED YOU BITCH!
damn!
papa please help me.
i NEED to study!
i HAVE to!
ARGH!
FCUK!

this entry is not meant for anyone to read.
i just want and need to vent everything out.
so don't blame me if you read it.
cos you're the one being nosy.


i cannot take this anymore.
i have to let it out.
this is way hurting than i expected.
indeed, i've cracked...again.
i wanna show that i care.
but i just can't seem to do it like usual.
i had never felt this way before.
hate me love me.
whatever you want.
i had stole nothing from you/the others.
i owe you nuts.
so don't treat me like i owe you your life or anything.
i have my point of view and you guys have yours.
that's why i don't blame you ppl for hating me or treating me bad.
i've been left in the dark all along.
i wanna talk it out.
but i don't see the chance.
it seems that all doors are shut on me.
and you can't prolly blame me on what others feel about you guys.
i did nothing okay?
i did NOTHING!
i have feelings too.
i complain like everyone else of course.
but did i purposely make people despise you?
do i act like you people have poison?
look for yourself.
and i'm fcuking weak towards friendship.
like who am i kidding.
i'm not a slave.
i'm not something/anyone you can step over.
and stop acting like you know me well.
cos i'm not the fool who's trying to make someone sound like an ass when she/he is actually just a simple jane.
so pls!
i've had enough!
i want the friendship!
but I JUST HATE KNOCKING DOORS THAT ARE SHUT ON ME!
cos it's not just one.
if needed, i'm sorry.
i'm really sorry.
but i don't know what i actually did wrong.

sometimes i despise you.
sometimes i wanna hurt you.
sometimes i miss you.
sometimes i wanna concern.
but i just can't seem to.
it's easier said than done.
and i've been thinking about wat you said irwog...
and i've got the answer.
the answer is no...
i'm not gonna do anything about it.
i'm just gonna sit and wait till the doors are opened.
cos i wanna know who are the true ones.
god will show me one day.
i believe...

this is getting so childish.
i'm tired.
let me outta this kindergarten....