life is not easy..
life is not easy..
i've started blogging again as i found that i no
longer need any replies for my rants.
i should keep them here and find the answer for
myself.
and here i am,
FINALLY being able to rot at home and clear some
cobwebs.
this year's beginning wasn't very beautiful,
neither was it that bad.
i grew quite alot and of course fooled quite alot too,
with feelings especially.
i hurt quite a few people... but figured out that i'm
causing more hurt to myself indirectly.
i've learnt to let go.
i've learnt to accept.
quite alot happened actually.
but i don't wanna elaborate much.
there came this day when i suddenly felt so lonely that i
cried to sleep. i felt like everyone's leaving me.
cos earlier that night, i was having dinner with my cotton.
he said something about 'what if one day someone close
to me dies? i wonder how i'll be.' at that very point of
time, he got me wondering too. such an ass right.
and that got me started being emo that night.
and that's when i found out that quite alot of people has
and is going to take a step backward from my life.
hafiz my bitch is leaving for poly..
i've lost a friend cos what he
wanted was something more than friendship and no less.
my bestfriend's ignoring me.. and i don't know why.
nina's leaving for poly too..
and soon, my brother ,ronald will be leaving for
switzerland to further his studies.
gowri, my closest friend has applied for poly...
she wants to go so much cos she can't cope over here,
but i've been selfishly praying that it won't
succeed... cos i really need her.
i'm sorry darling.
other than that, i myself has taken a step back other's life.
so sorry to jannanah especially. love you lots k!
sorry to those who messaged to meet or to ask how's life.
i never did reply all of em. heh.
i'm a vary vary beezeh persan ya know?
serious!
i'm busy!
you see, i end school at 5 on mondays and then
i have tuition till 630.
5.45pm on tuesdays and thursdays.
i have band on wednesdays and fridays...
SEE!
plus my dad's bugging me to go for driving.
so NOW i have driving lessons!
PLUS i'm bugged to go for jamming.
SO WHAT YOU WANT!? HUH!?
WHAT YOU WANT?!
i'd to even neglect my fishes....= (
they've been there for me when i'm sad lorr.
have you ever done something so wrong to a person
that you ought to be punished, but that person never
blames you for any of it?
i say, that feeling SUCKED!
scold me. hit me. punch me.
at least i'll feel less guilt.
but i never get those.
in fact, i got hugs and kisses of forgiveness.
THIS IS NOT RIGHT!
and i felt much more guilty than i should have.
in fact, i feel like strangling myself for it.
that feeling's worse than anything in the world i say.
i've been a bitch. but you didn't blame me. yet you offered tobe there for me whenever and wherever i need you.you really showed me what love can do.and i admire you for it.thank you sam.i'm sorry.time flies.
i hardly remember how i lived past these months.
maybe there were too much feelings for me to handle.
i guess.
during meet the parents session, mdm ong talked to my
mum. not only about me of course.. [still got their
kampong times... lol]
she gave me this piece of paper filled with chinese
characters which i can't read half of it.
the title says smth like 'be thankful'
be thankful to those who lied to you. cos they taught
you to not trust easily.
be thankful to those who defeat you. cos they
strengthened your abilities.
there's quite a few.
but there's this one phrase i like alot.
be thankful to those who hurt you cos they strengthen you emotionally for the future.i would like to thank this very person.
he really made me stronger.
but still...
it doesn't change the fact that he's an asshole now.
LOSER.
i'll blog tomorrow.
oh.
ignore that.