i don't know.

okay i hate to say 'i don't know' nor hear it.
but today as i think deeper, i really have no idea why.
if you haven't realised, i'm not me anymore.
or is it the hard fact that i've changed?
struggling to grow stronger that i hardly care about
other's feelings maybe? no not.
when i sit down and think, i could feel my presence.
i still know what's right.
i still know what's wrong.
but sometimes, i got to admit, that i haven't really been
thinking about what's best for my feelings.
contributing all the time hurts.
i've been doing a whole great lot at work,
doing my best at whatever task i'm asked to do
and yet that gay boss is still bias towards me.
'happiness belongs to you and only you. if you don't
let others touch it, it will always stay as yours.'
i've been saying this quite frequently to a number
of friends due to their problems.
but i could never quite figure out on how to imply
it on myself.
i can hardly laugh, not even smile perfect.
bad sign for skin i know.
shiying needs to come back.
i miss being me.

oh wait.
i know why.

i'm living in fear almost everyday.
yeah. i guess that's it.

i've been thinking about my nafa results every day ever since
the entrance test was over.
well no one will understand that feeling i suppose.
cos i'm the only one among all that's going thru this.

well blogging helps brain storming.
type it out.
i feel better.

happier posts will come up eventually.
i'm sorry.

Labels: making no sense. making sense. why. nafa. type.