it's a good time to leave my truckloads of worries behind.
so, today i packed up, and left for malaysia to find my twin! :D
i feel so light now. like a feather!
i wish that my dreams will let me float to the stars! :D

i don't know.

okay i hate to say 'i don't know' nor hear it.
but today as i think deeper, i really have no idea why.
if you haven't realised, i'm not me anymore.
or is it the hard fact that i've changed?
struggling to grow stronger that i hardly care about
other's feelings maybe? no not.
when i sit down and think, i could feel my presence.
i still know what's right.
i still know what's wrong.
but sometimes, i got to admit, that i haven't really been
thinking about what's best for my feelings.
contributing all the time hurts.
i've been doing a whole great lot at work,
doing my best at whatever task i'm asked to do
and yet that gay boss is still bias towards me.
'happiness belongs to you and only you. if you don't
let others touch it, it will always stay as yours.'
i've been saying this quite frequently to a number
of friends due to their problems.
but i could never quite figure out on how to imply
it on myself.
i can hardly laugh, not even smile perfect.
bad sign for skin i know.
shiying needs to come back.
i miss being me.

oh wait.
i know why.

i'm living in fear almost everyday.
yeah. i guess that's it.

i've been thinking about my nafa results every day ever since
the entrance test was over.
well no one will understand that feeling i suppose.
cos i'm the only one among all that's going thru this.

well blogging helps brain storming.
type it out.
i feel better.

happier posts will come up eventually.
i'm sorry.

Labels: making no sense. making sense. why. nafa. type.

nothing's right.




i'll come back when something is.
don't come picking me up you lovelies.

Labels: struggling. growing strong.

tomorrow's my nafa entrance test.
i'm scared. : (

Labels: lack of confidence

have you ever had this feeling when you suddenly talk
to an old friend whom you were very close to in the past,
you can't be yourself?
cos you felt like he/she'd changed?
and then they will mind what you had become/still are?
and then everything feels like it will never be like the past?
but counting on what you guys have been thru, the fun
and laughter, the tears and quarrels, you just wanna hold
on cos it still feels special to you?
and then again you feel like you're the only one feeling that
way and the whole thing sucks because you have no one to
blame cos we're all busy with our schedules and making new
friends, we seem to have gone missing for quite awhile and
suddenly a phone call or message recieved saying
'hey! wanna meet up?'. then we plan, and when
the last minute arrives, at least one person will have their
last minute emergencies to attend to? (including me)
and then it goes back to square infinity?
this time, i wanna go back to square one..
cos that's when...
ALL'S GOOOODDD...












(phone rings) RING RING! RING RING!

(shiying picks up)

shiying: hello, YAMAHA.

stupid customer: ....

shiying: HELLO?

stupid customer: eh? hello? is this yamaha?

shiying: ....... yeah.

stupid customer: i would like to enquire about the guitar lessons in yamaha ah..

shiying: oh yes guitar lessons.

stupid customer: may i know the types of lessons you have there?

shiying: ah yes. we have uh.. the.. rock & roll, blues, country, jazz, RnB, reggae, classical, rap, hiphop, uh... punk, indie, goth, metal... hard core metal.... death metal.... uh.... super hard core metal.... super SUPER hard core metal....
oh ya we also got the new one, emo..
which one do you want?

stupid customer: ......

shiying: hello sir?

stupid customer: ..........

shiying: (screaming) HELLO?!!!

(phone dead) *doot doot doot doot doot*

)@(!*#&)~^@!$#()~@&^$)~*(@!&
stooooooopid customers... stoooooooooooopid uh...

Labels: change. missing you people. stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooopid customers.

i wish that sometimes i didn't have to understand.
i wish that sometimes they will expect me to not understand.
i wish that sometimes we're not close.
in fact, we've drifted apart.
i wish that sometimes they can turn around and understand.
i wish that sometimes they will know that i need them to.


i wish that i never had to feel this way.
i wish that we never had to drift apart.
i don't know the meaning of 'bestfriends' anymore.


i'm tired of making first moves.
i'm damn stupid.

my life is great.
i have so many friends, i laughed alot.
but i have never failed to realise what has gone missing.
and it feels like i'm the only one realising it.
fcuk! i'm DAMN STUPID!!

let me tell you.
it means alot to me.
please.

Labels: fcuk these

i'm still not used to not going to school.
and the weirdest thing is that, i miss studying.
(well although it's quite pointless for me cos even
after studying freakingly hard for econs, i got an S!)
-(but i still think i'm smart. lolle.)
i miss hanging out with my pencil case,
drawing on my classmates' hands and arms with my
colourful markers. flooding happy faces on my notes,
making fun of teachers' accents, not passing up my
assignments, wearing shorts under skirt feeling,
being scared of the stupid centipedes near the
container classrooms, doing science practicals,
eating lomaikai in class, going to school for band, taking
MCs cos i'm not sick, rebel, singing with koon-er, let
felix make fun of me, let szewei and rachel admire my
abs, talking cock with addie, and most importantly,
ANNOYING EVERYONE. it's the best thing of all.
ISN'T SCHOOL LIFE JUST AWESOME?!
you must be retarded to not enjoy schooling!


i'm starting to fear losing mom.
i totally can't imagine life without her.
I LOVE MY MOM!
EVERYONE SHOULD!!!
who loves shiying's mom raise your hands!
: D



tsk! shiying stop-it! stopit!




YAMAHAhahahahahhaha!!!!
AAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA!!
(okay not funny.)
rockszXZxzzxZxZxx sia!
the fwenx are shOoo great nehx!
ai zai worxXSxZxZsxZsxzs.

yah really. i love YAMAHA.



anyway, arsyad told me at work today
that bob marley's a singaporean and he lives in
jurong. that's why you see the grass patch there like
empty empty cos he take all the grass to smoke.


and i was actually considering on believing the
part on where he lives.




i miss twin! :)


urgh. stupid ahlians.

Labels: enjoying work, gullible, loving mom, missing school

why are you talking like i'm dying for(your) company?
i don't need a boyfriend. i'm doing great.
and i have the patience to wait for a relationship that i'm
certain of a sweet great future.
go get someone who'll fall into your traps and sleep
with you.
urgh! desperate animal.

Labels: not dumb

it's been awhile.

i haven't been having any problems making friends
since a loooooong time.
and today at work, she totally pissed me off.
still as straight forward, i asked what she's unhappy
about. she kept saying no. nothing. no. nothing.
like. there must be something right?!
but she's nice. cos arsyad says so.
he said it takes people more time to get to know her.
okay. she's nice.


i injured my finger.
weiyi's nice. he helped me plaster. :)

i lost my money.
hector's nice. he found it and returned to me. :)

i had a bad day at work.
twin and ahliong are nice. they came down to
company me. :)

i love drumsticks.
jay's nice. he put me at the drumstick section. :)

everyone's nice.
give a smile y'all.
all's good.


ALL'S GOOOODDD...

Labels: a goobad(good and bad) day.